A Selfish Appeal for Aid

Lately, I've had to ask myself several troubling questions concerning the ways I make judgments. Though the questions had various starting points, a brief analysis of each conflict led me to the common theme of racial angst. In short, it appears to me that my lack of patience for unfamiliar methods and ideas is somehow knotted up with my ambivalent feelings toward white people. This is a hard thing for me to discuss, even with you all, simply because I already know that a lifetime of solemn curiosity concerning this issue and two years of sweat, tears, and sleepless nights devoted to it places me in a very different mindset than the majority of you, who have had different struggles. However, I've decided that this is something I must confront-to what end I know not-and that you all possess the sensitive intelligence to help me to come to as much clarity as possible on this subject. I hardly know what to expect--I only hope that you recognize your own active involvement in my life, simply by reading this. I understand that each of you has, consciously or otherwise, made certain assumptions about the nature of my dilemma (unless you are completely confused), which is fine and natural. I only ask that you recognize your assumptions for what they are, and perhaps even question their validity--not for your own sake, but for mine. I apologize for the terrible ambiguity of all of this, and I will update you all as new questions occur to me. Honestly, I am not wholly convinced that any of this will do anyone a bit of good. I suppose it's thinking like this that necessitates a whole day off in observance of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday.