I guess it's my turn...
After reading Julia and Paul's posts, I realized how much I missed talking to all of you. I've been quite lonely in a way for the last few weeks (months?), and it's such a relief to just listen to you guys, to hear you and know that I can also be heard.
I have begun to accept the reality of my unemployment, though I am just 1/3 through the longest summer of my life. As you might expect, I have had a lot of downtime to do a lot of thinking and reading. (Light in August in 2 days? Yeah, lots of time.) Thankfully I've had various events at my church almost every day for the last couple of weeks, including "teaching" toddlers at our week-long Vacation Bible School, meaning I took them to the bathroom and caught them before they escaped and ran out of class. It was surprisingly enjoyable.
Today, I went to a picnic downtown organized by some of the kids in my UofC class from the Chicago area. It was decent, but also a reality check: out of about 25 people present, 3 were black and 1 was Asian. The rest were really white kids from the suburbs. Nothing wrong with being white and from the suburbs, but it was a serious culture shock for me, coming from an urban school where white people were a sizeable minority (except in advanced classes, sigh) and every other ethnic group under the sun was mixed in to create a really interesting, completely unrealistic diversity. Tasp was some preparation, though the white majority there hardly counted - if you don't count the Jews, the foreigners, and those with parents of non-white American ancestry, the already flimsy majority status disappears.
I guess the reason this irked me a bit is that I know I am outside of the culture of sameness that prevails among most of my future classmates, meaning that I may not become great friends with everyone living in my house. I suppose it was only because of my naivety that I unconsciously assumed things would be like last summer. There will certainly be some significant similarilities. However, I am starting to resign myself to the possiblity that I may have to go some time, at least for the first few weeks, without having instant access to a truly kindred spirit*. (Jessica and I'll probably live across campus from each other.)
I suppose loneliness is the foe I face most often nowadays. I've had almost no contact with friends from high school, so with peer contact at a minimum, it's easy to bring a lot of false and ridiculous charges against myself. Though it's a relief to have let go of that horrible depression-induced pain in my chest (the result of Tasp-withdrawal/guilt + college woes), my thoughts let me know that I still have a long way to go. However, just talking to you guys a little bit, knowing you actually care about stuff that I might otherwise think was horrible, is a serious relief to me.
*For those of you who have been missing out on life and don't recognize it, I'm stealing Anne of Green Gables' way of referring to a close friend. Gotta give credit where it's due.
I have begun to accept the reality of my unemployment, though I am just 1/3 through the longest summer of my life. As you might expect, I have had a lot of downtime to do a lot of thinking and reading. (Light in August in 2 days? Yeah, lots of time.) Thankfully I've had various events at my church almost every day for the last couple of weeks, including "teaching" toddlers at our week-long Vacation Bible School, meaning I took them to the bathroom and caught them before they escaped and ran out of class. It was surprisingly enjoyable.
Today, I went to a picnic downtown organized by some of the kids in my UofC class from the Chicago area. It was decent, but also a reality check: out of about 25 people present, 3 were black and 1 was Asian. The rest were really white kids from the suburbs. Nothing wrong with being white and from the suburbs, but it was a serious culture shock for me, coming from an urban school where white people were a sizeable minority (except in advanced classes, sigh) and every other ethnic group under the sun was mixed in to create a really interesting, completely unrealistic diversity. Tasp was some preparation, though the white majority there hardly counted - if you don't count the Jews, the foreigners, and those with parents of non-white American ancestry, the already flimsy majority status disappears.
I guess the reason this irked me a bit is that I know I am outside of the culture of sameness that prevails among most of my future classmates, meaning that I may not become great friends with everyone living in my house. I suppose it was only because of my naivety that I unconsciously assumed things would be like last summer. There will certainly be some significant similarilities. However, I am starting to resign myself to the possiblity that I may have to go some time, at least for the first few weeks, without having instant access to a truly kindred spirit*. (Jessica and I'll probably live across campus from each other.)
I suppose loneliness is the foe I face most often nowadays. I've had almost no contact with friends from high school, so with peer contact at a minimum, it's easy to bring a lot of false and ridiculous charges against myself. Though it's a relief to have let go of that horrible depression-induced pain in my chest (the result of Tasp-withdrawal/guilt + college woes), my thoughts let me know that I still have a long way to go. However, just talking to you guys a little bit, knowing you actually care about stuff that I might otherwise think was horrible, is a serious relief to me.
*For those of you who have been missing out on life and don't recognize it, I'm stealing Anne of Green Gables' way of referring to a close friend. Gotta give credit where it's due.
posted by Nina at 11:51 PM
3 Comments:
I will be in Chicago on Wednesday and there for a couple days. I can't promise much of my time, but please suggest somewhere where you and Conan and anyone else who happens to be around can meet.
best to e-mail
bara0051@umn.edu
Nina, I know exactly where you're coming from, somewhat. Even though that didn't make sense. The majority of UAB will undoubtedly be white but it's like 36% af-amer so not as slim as urs. As far as peer contact is concerned and I'm down with ya. Hope it's all uphill from here for ya. peace
I think I understand that feeling of not seeing school classmates. I've talked with a few online or on the phone, but it seems like nobody has the motivation to actually meet. You'll find kindred spirits next year--you are too open and interesting a person not too. I don't think any of us are expecting to know and like every single person we meet on campus next year.
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