Find the Fish
Okay, relating my anecdote-of-the-day is far more important to me than calulus homework at the moment, so here we go...
Today, The Providence Visitor, a small local Catholic newspaper, ran an article that recognised "St. Mary Academy-Bay View Senior Hannah Catabia, a parishioner at St. Sebastian's in Providence," for an essay contest she won a while back. However, The Providence Visitor failed to realise that there is no St. Sebastian's Church in Providence or, indeed, all of Rhode Island. Infact, I think it is fairly safe to assume that the St. Sebastian's Church of which Hannah Catabia is supposedly a parishioner does not exist. I have been pondering all day as to how this misunderstanding could have happened. The best theory I have come up with is that the person writing the article must have been looking at notes from an interview I gave a while back during which I was asked delightfully generic questions such as, "So, do you have any pets?" And I must have mentioned my beloved little betta fish who happens to be named St. Sebastian. Then, apparently, the writer from The Providence Visitor asuumed that my residence in Providence and ownership of a holy fish qualified me as a parishioner to the hypothetical St. Sebastian's as well. But just how a writer of a PROVIDENCE Catholic paper that writes about all the Catholic churches in PROVIDENCE failed to realise that there is no St. Sebastian's Church in all of RHODE ISLAND, however, continues to to evade me.
In any event, I have never been the person to pass up a good opportunity. I've decided to found The Church of St. Sebastian in Providence and you are all welcome to attend if you ever happen by the city. Mass is every Sunday morning from midnight to one, during which parishioners consume several shots of Victorian poetry, sing the hymn "Losing my Religion" by REM, and are baptised in my fishtank. Plus, members get to claim Oscar Wilde's birthday as a holiday from work. So huzzah for The Church of St. Sebastian!
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to OLGA!
Today, The Providence Visitor, a small local Catholic newspaper, ran an article that recognised "St. Mary Academy-Bay View Senior Hannah Catabia, a parishioner at St. Sebastian's in Providence," for an essay contest she won a while back. However, The Providence Visitor failed to realise that there is no St. Sebastian's Church in Providence or, indeed, all of Rhode Island. Infact, I think it is fairly safe to assume that the St. Sebastian's Church of which Hannah Catabia is supposedly a parishioner does not exist. I have been pondering all day as to how this misunderstanding could have happened. The best theory I have come up with is that the person writing the article must have been looking at notes from an interview I gave a while back during which I was asked delightfully generic questions such as, "So, do you have any pets?" And I must have mentioned my beloved little betta fish who happens to be named St. Sebastian. Then, apparently, the writer from The Providence Visitor asuumed that my residence in Providence and ownership of a holy fish qualified me as a parishioner to the hypothetical St. Sebastian's as well. But just how a writer of a PROVIDENCE Catholic paper that writes about all the Catholic churches in PROVIDENCE failed to realise that there is no St. Sebastian's Church in all of RHODE ISLAND, however, continues to to evade me.
In any event, I have never been the person to pass up a good opportunity. I've decided to found The Church of St. Sebastian in Providence and you are all welcome to attend if you ever happen by the city. Mass is every Sunday morning from midnight to one, during which parishioners consume several shots of Victorian poetry, sing the hymn "Losing my Religion" by REM, and are baptised in my fishtank. Plus, members get to claim Oscar Wilde's birthday as a holiday from work. So huzzah for The Church of St. Sebastian!
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to OLGA!
posted by Hannah at 8:36 PM
1 Comments:
where do I sign up?
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