peace of me

The flights were a blur of clouds and noise. On the way to Nashville I was out before takeoff. Leaving Ithaca, I was asleep before the stewardess brought the drinks. When I awoke sodaless minutes later, I cursed my circadian rhythms. Conan and Drew were the last corporeal remnants of TASP. They went with me, kind of like that final touch of fingertips that lingers as long as possible between parting hands. My mom and sister were at the airport, we went to my house, I opened my mail. Whatever.
Something about the place I was (something about the people I know) took my skin from me. To myself, I am now a book read as a child that must be read again. I can't decide what the author was trying to say.
Which to write about first? you all or what you have done to me?
You all (attempting to use expressions that are entirely free of cliche essence): Stellar, happily inverse, brilliant in pajamas, grandfather clock thoughtfulness, smiles like new red wagons, so, so beautiful.
What you have done to me: put me under my own microscope, changed me subtly, changed me overtly, left glowing white crater (happy if at times bothersome) in my thought process.
I miss you. You all left a piece of yourselves in me, whether you realize it or not.

And while I sit here listening to the same loop of thoughtful songs, I will try to put into words what you all have taught me.

• Minyang: How to look at someone and see only neat things.
• Andrew: An understanding of understanding between people (yeah).
• Julia: Contradictory personalities can be beautiful.
• Olga: If you try really hard or are really lucky, it is possible to keep the child (wise, bright, loving, forgiving) in you from fading.
• Michael: That geniuses can also be really really good guys.
• Stacey: What intensity of living looks like.
• Kimberly: That crying alone can be an act of bravery.
• Tess: Dedication is worth trying.
• Ashley: That sometimes we overlook the small things.
• Robin: That people are like books: a whole shelf of them.
• Jordan: That you can love a lot of things at once.
• Sophie: How to sit back and watch a person, simply in awe of all that they are.
• Teddy: That nice guys are really cool to get to know. Awesome guys are even cooler.
• Dave: All around Wonderful people can come in interesting packages.
• Luukas: That you never know what capacity for goodness people have within them.
• Jim: Kindness is nice to catch in small things.
• Alejandro: Laughter is the way to a person's heart.
• Matt: That a smile a day from certain people makes things better.
• Drew: That everyone deserves time to be seen.
• Nina: That you can feel comforted simply knowing someone is around.
• Ben: Great things often don't declare themselves so.
• Urvesh: That peace is contagious.
• Jenna: That doodles are worth making, even if you never draw them on paper.
• Hannah: Freedom is a state of mind.
• Jen: Fairy tales are a nice thing.
• Yi Wen: Gentleness, kindness, and loveliness can travel with people and permeate the air.
• Alex: That some people are powered by caloric intake. Others are powered by intense souls that never give up.
• Katie:That people can be beautiful like lightning.
• Conan: That telling people how truly amazing and talented they are is for sentimental fat asses.
• Bryon: That some people make conversation feel easy.
• Jessica: That people can be brilliant and not hurt your eyes.
• Layusa:That life is a party. And we should all dance with absurd choreography and subtle insults.
• Paul: That some things go without saying.

love,
josh

"now we can swim any day in november" (sometimes things just seem right)